‘Kindergarten Cop vs. Kindergarten Teachers’

by on October 28, 2005

Dear Editor:

Please find enclosed, “Kindergarten Cop vs. Kindergarten Teachers,” a short op-ed piece regarding the so-called “teacher tenure” initiative. My work has previously appeared in the San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco Bay Guardian, and “Z” magazine, among others. Thanks for your consideration.

Kindergarten cop vs. kindergarten teachers: re teacher “tenure”

Jane K-12: Have you heard the news?
Jill K-12: What news?
Jane: We have teacher tenure!
Jill: Great! What’s that?
Jane: Teacher tenure is something that only university professors have.
Jill: But we only teach kindergarten.
Governator: You have tenure! You have tenure!
Jill: Who was that?
Jane: The Kindergarten Cop.
Jill: Who?
Jane: The Kindergarten Cop. His job is to police us kindergarten teachers.
Jill: Really?
Jane: He’s telling everyone that kindergarten teachers have teacher tenure.
Jill: I’m a kindergarten teacher and nobody ever told me that.
Jane: He says we have to be stopped.
Jill: Today I had to clean up vomit. Can I stop doing that?
Jane: No. Me, too. Little Timmy swallowed his milk money.
Jill: Did you find it?
Jane: I’m not going to fish through vomit for fifty cents.
Jill: I would.
Jane: Anyway, the Kindergarten Cop is holding a $20 million special election just to stop us.
Jill: To stop us from getting tenure?
Governator: You have tenure! You have tenure!
Jill: That guy is annoying.
Jane: Last week, he spent $3.5 million of his own money to stop us.
Jill: $3.5 million? Kindergarten cops make a lot more than kindergarten teachers.
Jane: My friend Paul is a professor with tenure at the University.
Jill: Let’s go see him.
Jane: We can’t. He’s taking a year’s sabbatical in Berlin, Australia, Hong Kong and China.
Jill: Wow.
Jane: But he only gets half his pay while he’s gone.
Jill: Half of my pay would get me about as far as Reno.
Jane: Plus, he only has to teach 12 hours a week when he’s here.
Jill: Really? Do we get that if Prop. 74 passes?
Jane: All we’re getting is the shaft.
Governator: I’m going to terminate you two. Hasta la vista, baby.

Jamie Sanbonmatsu

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