San Francisco Uncut’s ‘Vampires for Empire’ Holds Corporate Blood Drive

by Carol Harvey on August 30, 2011

Corporate Tax Cheats Have Your Money. Now They Want Your Blood!

On August 27, hordes of tourists and shoppers crowding the Market Street corridor in the sun were invited to participate in San Francisco Uncut’s first “Vampires For Empire Corporate Blood Drive.“ From 1:30 to 3:00 p.m., a series of temporary blood donation stations popped up sequentially from South to North at tax-evading Corporate outlets – the 445 Powell Street Bank of America across from Hallidie Plaza and the Powell Street BART, the One Stockton Street Apple Store, Verizon Wireless at 768 Market, Wells Fargo Bank at 2 Grant Avenue, and finally, the Federal Express Office Print and Ship Center at 726 Market.

Citizen taxpaying ‘blood donors’ entered each lobby and stood in line to ply tellers or counter attendants with prolonged questions. Then vampires closed in and bit their necks.

As the first victims fell screaming to the floor, Corporate Vampire MC, Vlad D. Impaler, informed other milling clientele, that, in our crumbling economy, since this Corporation had already taken peoples’ homes and money, the least the business or bank could do was to host a blood drive outside.

In the Bank of America lobby, Vlad’s imposing presence, his single vampire fang, and the shrieking customers falling to the floor distressed one female bank manager. Not fully grasping that he represented her corporate masters, she attempted futilely to interrupt Vlad’s stentorian oratory and yell the group out of the lobby.

The indomitable Vlad was unmoved: He continued:

“Ladies and gentlemen, if I could please have your attention.

“We are Vampires for Empire. We are here to support the GI-normously tax-avoiding Bank of America in its on-going efforts to suck the very life force from the American people.

“We chose Bank of America to kick off our 2011 Corporate Blood Drive. Why? Because, they already have all of your money. Now, they want your blood, too.”

“You have two options here, my folks. You may bare your neck right now to one of the roving executives.

“There is a second option. That is, if you step outside we have some beautiful nurse supervising bleeding stations.

“Please! Please come upstairs and donate some blood to the Bank of America.”

“Pay your taxes! Pay your taxes!” a victim begged the bank. She was desperate for relief from the pain of corporate teeth tearing and gnawing at her jugular.

“Give us your blood,” repeated Vlad. “There we are. There we go!”

He directed Nurse Rosarita to bitten victims as they slumped to the marble floor.

“There’s another one right here!”

“No! No!,” a second victim shrieked.

“Give freely. Give till it hurts, my Friend!

“Thank you very much for your kind attentions!”

As Vlad ascended the escalator backwards, his fanged mouth opened wide roaring with fiendish laughter. From his throat resounded the triumphant Vampires For Empire motto,”

“We have your money. Now we want your BLOOOD! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH!

“Come with me, dear. You’ve been bitten,” cooed Nurse Rosarita, as she hauled a Fallen One up the escalator behind Vlad. “Let’s go take more blood.”

Outside on the street, Vlad divulged his whole name:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, potential victims, blood donors (and a row of idle police).

“My name is Vlad D. Impaler. I am the CEO of Vampires For Empire. We are a non-profit that is subsidized by major corporations.”
“We chose Bank of America because they achieved a bail-out of more than 45 billion dollars. That year, they made a profit of more than four billion dollars and somehow figured out how not to pay taxes.

“Being Vampires, we think (corporate blood sucking) is a beautiful thing.

“In the last 30 years, the top one percent of the wealthiest Americans went from only 8% of the total wealth to only more than 20% of the total wealth.

“The top 400 wealthiest families in America own over 50 percent of the wealth right now.

“We have been sucking your blood for many years. We use it to buy things. We buy presidents, elections, governors, wars, pollution – everything we possibly can – while at the same time smashing services for those people in need – the children in their school programs, education, medical services.

“All the while we take your money, suck your life force, and revel in an orgy of greed and blood lust!”

“We have very little blood left,” sobbed a woman.

Vlad intoned, “We could not do it without you, folks. The blood-lust that we feel is very possibly a great deal of affection for you, the naïve people who have no problem giving us all your blood and your money. We thank you for that!

“Don’t listen to people who try to wake you up and say your should be resisting our vampirism and blood lust!

“Look at these people and realize how happy they are!”

Victims slumped in a row of chairs, writhing, groaning, and crying.

“The cookie girl is giving you cookies. If you give us a pint of your blood, you get a free chocolate chip cookie. Who could possibly argue!”

One hold-out biker at the ATM, called, “I’ve got free checking. My blood is still here!”

Vlad stood over an exsanguinated victim sprawled on the sidewalk bricks.

“They gave their life in a good cause!” he crowed.

Then, momentarily out of character, he reported, “Got so excited my (fake) teeth are falling out.”


Inside the mobbed Stockton Apple Store, Vlad and the videographers didn’t last long. We were quickly rebuffed at the entrance by relentlessly courteous personnel. “We don’t allow filming,” they flatly declared.

Back to the street and the new blood station set-up.

Crowds flowing past glanced vacuously at Vlad.

“We know how cool you feel with you are using Apple products!”

Tax-cheating is as American as “Apple pie, mom, and hotdogs.”

“Apple doesn’t need to pay their taxes. The American people need to pay Apple’s taxes.

“Apple’s new CEO just got $350 million dollars.”


A few feet inside Verizon’s doors, employees rushed us.

“There is no recording in here. We do apologize. We are asking you to leave.”

I persisted, resisting the young Asian woman’s palm twisting right to left, insistently blocking my video lens.

“Verizon pays no taxes! How can this be?” I wheedled.

“Alright. Let’s go. Let’s go.” She used Broken Record, as if to a child.

Outside, Vlad announced that Verizon’s CEO made only $18 million dollars yearly while “the average employee made $33,000.”

Someone held a sign saying, ‘I love the Satan Sandwich!’ (It is sugar-coated even!)”

At the feeding station, Nurse Rosarita crooned, “It warms my heart,” to see how these people give their blood.”

Quipped Vlad, “I did not know that the Undead could have their hearts warmed, but apparently they can.”

As bloodless bodies fell left and right, a corporate vampire trumpeted her exalted class, “We can do what we will. We are people. You are slaves. You pay taxes. We don’t. We are better.”

Another Corporate vampire with a briefcase loudly complained and pointed at the bodies, “People in the City having to walk by this disgusting display of pathetic neediness and pain! Die, already! We need garbage collectors to clean up the sidewalk,” she commanded!


Outside Wells Fargo Bank, established 1852, the victims screamed ghoulishly.

“Look how happy these people are to give their blood to this stinking corporation!” noted Vlad. “They know they are dying in a good cause – to decrease Wells Fargo’s tax burden.”

Nurse Rosarita dabbed a very bloody neck wound. “This donor is such a willing, inspiring woman. She has given blood so many times today, her wound is getting a little nasty.”

A child donor died, falling to the sidewalk after the last drop of blood was drained from her education.


Inside Federal Express, a dazed employee stared and did nothing.

A completely sapped victim fell to the floor.

“No more! No more blood! I’m anemic!” cried a woman who was led outside to the blood station.

Someone said, “She needs a sedative!”

“She’s going to be just fine,” comforted nurse Rosarita.

The doctor is always here to take care of American passivity, observed the white-coated protestor to shoppers passing by.

“One more pint! One more pint for Fed-Ex!” chanted the revelers.

Sandy Sanders’ U.S. Uncut poster stated:

‘Causes Of The Deficit

Vlad bullhorned his goodbyes.

“Take the last life blood! Join the Corporate Undead!’ invited Vlad.

“We are U.S. Uncut. We are on the web.”

Then he walked over a chalked corpse outline encircling a drop of teacher’s blood.

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